Summary:
PHRASES NOT SAY:
React, it is only a matter of will!
Be strong, look who's worse off than you.
I'm taking you out with your friends, so you entertainment a bit '.
What do you miss? Do you have what it takes to be happy.
So you feel bad even your loved ones. Think about your family that loves you.
PHRASES OK
I'll walk you, you're not alone.
It is not your fault, not your fault: it is a disorder that you care.
What can I do for you?
What are your thoughts?
Full text:
Nobody sends you a notification to alert you that one of the people you care about most is entry into an empty abyss, and deep sadness.
There is no alert for depression.
And as you can commit yourself to feel even more next to a friend, a boyfriend or a depressed relative, as you can put all of yourself, the truth is that the sheer willpower is not enough.
There will be times, especially in the first period, in which you'll think: Now what should I do?
There is something in which I can make myself really useful?
And if I end up I sucked, too?
Carola Moretti graduated in Clinical Psychology Developmental Neuropsychology, and teaches courses for relatives of people with mood disorders and other psychiatric disorders.
When we meet in the Milan office of Ithaca Project, it makes it clear that there are no foolproof formulas to stand next to a depressed person.
"Every person is different, every story is different, every situation is different.
But there are some guidelines that we can follow. "
So: this article is not a comprehensive guide.
Rather, take it as a set of valuable advice for emergency response.
THE PHRASE "ARE DEPRESSED" DOES NOT MEAN THAT A PERSON OF DISORDER DEPRESSION suffer
First, it is important to understand that "I'm depressed" -expression now entered everyday jargon-does not mean suffering from depressive disorder.
"It happens that on certain days or times of day the mood is lower than usual," explains Moretti.
"It can happen that after a plot-a rejection, a dismissal, a break-or even for no apparent reason, it suffers from a depressive episode." That does not mean that a single incident is not something to worry about and that however, are not all the recommendations found below.
In order to talk instead of real depressive disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-V), it is necessary that at least five of the symptoms listed here are present or cyclically over a period of time, over the two weeks.
"When those around us begins to sleep a lot during the day; It reduces the outputs compared to the normal; He is withdrawn; He feels inadequate and unable to cope with the tasks that has always faced; loses the vital spring: these are signals that should begin to arouse suspicion, "added Moretti.
It is at this point that we must take decisive action, "when we see that the lives of all those around us days next door is affected by this situation that is not temporary, but hinders the ability to work and social relations," continues .
ADVISE HOW TO SPEAK WITH A SPECIALIST
"One of the points on which we should insist on is: this person lift from the idea that it can do it alone or who are simply exacerbated the defects of his character, as is often mistakenly [a depressed person] thinks," points Moretti.
"And explain that depression, if diagnosed, is a disorder like many others: a brain chemical disorder that shows the world through the gray lenses."
Now if the person opposes the resistances because "she knows her problems, and what he needs," and believes that it is useless, it can serve to encourage proposing support nell'impresa- "I'll take you," "I make a list of therapists and choose you, "" you can wait outside, "" look before you. "
But it is also important to never force the issue.
Each person has its time.
According to Moretti would be better to start with a first visit to a psychiatrist directly (which, if necessary, can prescribe medication), but you can also start from the primary care physician or by a behavioral-that could possibly redirect the patient psychologist.
"Usually these figures inspire less fear of a psychiatrist, but it's also good to remember that the psychiatrist is a doctor who takes care of mood disorders, such as depression, and that care exist and function."
In all this, of course, it is said that the first therapist is the right one: it is important that the person you can find one with whom you feel comfortable, so it is not said that whoever is next should not accompany her and advise her to try yet.
WHAT TO SAY AND WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A PERSON DEPRESSED
When we are faced with a single depressive episode, the words of encouragement may be useful or useless depending on the case; but with a mood disorder may even be counterproductive.
It is a fallacy in which, even if in good faith, often stumbles.
"Sometimes the feeling of a person suffering from depression is that all those who love her try to pull her up, but the effect they get is the opposite: because [the depressed person] you look around and think, 'Why, My parents are great, my friends and i / the my / a girl / or are gorgeous, yet I can not be happy ', "he said Moretti.
React, it is only a matter of will!
Be strong, look who's worse off than you.
I'm taking you out with your friends, so you entertainment a bit '.
But what do you miss?
Do you have what it takes to be happy.
So you feel bad even your loved ones.
Think about your family that loves you.
In a sense, then, the formula "if you need are" is not always effective: as full of good intentions likely will fall on deaf ears, because depression sufferers hardly take up the phone to ask you to join him.
Empathy can make a difference.
Here we have some phrases to learn to say:
I'll walk you, you're not alone.
Not your fault, not your fault: it is a disorder that you care.
What can I do for you?
What are your thoughts?
GESTURE AND HOW TO PUT INTO PRACTICE
Everyone has their own habits: someone needs his space, who do not like physical contact, who both.
Yet, says Dr. Moretti, physical proximity to a person depressed (even silent) never hurts.
Buzz to right to jump, stay in the same room, even in silence, to understand the other that his pain ranges are all small things that can be of help.
One issue that tends to be underestimated, then, is to remember to gently urge the person in difficulty to follow a healthy lifestyle, in addition to therapy.
"The movement, just half an hour a day, in some situations it works a lot," says Moretti.
"From complement to a healthy diet, avoiding various junk." All these measures are not a real solution, but can induce gradually the depressed person to stop neglected (a definite sign of improvement).
HOW TO REACT WHEN APPOINTMENT OF SUICIDE
Apart from the fact that suicide was brought up by an adult or a teenager, never underestimate the issue.
If the person in question has decided to talk about it and then, in a sense draw attention to himself, he decided to seek help from those who feel trusted.
And it is then, but later, you have to deal with the problem: You have suicidal thoughts?
Why do you think about death?
Really every so often would you do it?
"If there is even the suspicion that the person you think about it," says Moretti, "she will be able to speak.
There are studies showing that broach the subject greatly reduces the risk [to put it into practice]. "
What not many know is that, paradoxically, this risk may become more just when a person seems to be a bit 'better.
"Often when a depressed person is in the lowest stage of mood decline, is less likely to fail to complete a suicide," says Moretti.
"Why it is so apathetic, so unable to undertake any project that a suicide-which provides some energy, planning and premeditation-becomes difficult project."
Sometimes it is during a period of "recovery", where the mood seems a bit 'up again, but the despair of the person is actually still very deep, that suicide is put in place.
That's why the guard must always exercise extreme caution and never lower, especially during the early stages of therapy.
Again, regardless of individual situations, when they appear suicidal thoughts you should promptly consult a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist specialist in mood disorders.
Obviously, it is not written anywhere that stand next to a depressed person is simple.
Quite the contrary: it is often the feeling of helplessness, sometimes by extension we will feel sad, others happen to be verbally attacked and hit in their weak-points but in this case you have to remember that "it is not the person depressed speak, but the trouble. "
So it is physiological, at times, feel exhausted.
Thinking about this final paragraph, before my meeting with Dr. Moretti, an image I had in mind I thought I would not dare 'style' to enter.
Instead it was the same doctor Moretti suggested I mention it as a 'rule'.
You know when the plane will say that in case of depressurization is important that you put the oxygen mask before helping those around you?
That is: "If you're not energetic," says Moretti, "you can not give power to those who are next to you: recharge, go to the gym, take their space, get away for a while 'to avoid not being able to have the most basic things. "
It does not mean you are abandoning the other, but that can help you better.
Ithaca Project is an association of volunteers for mental health.
If you need help or want to get in touch with them, call the toll free number 800 274 274 (02 29,007,166 mobile) or send an email to
From Vice