Summary

The "clicker-style expressions" of Long include nod, say "yes" and even clicked his tongue when people share personal details.

"I emit a lot of sounds that are not real words, a bit 'like d'oh of Homer Simpson," he says. Even the breaks are all think. When the conversation stops, Long smiles, look the other person in the eye, and waits. "It's a sign that says part of the training are willing to follow the conversation wherever it goes."

Here are tips Kazdin to apply this method to a normal conversation: pave the way for intimate interaction by changing your tone of voice or showing you too fragile. This is called "the antecedent." Do not ask why a person feels a certain way. Not impicciatevi. Start talking. Be polite questions.

When the conversation has soared, strengthen your emotional presence nodding, he approaches the other party; fairies interested expressions, tell yourself agree, ask questions. This is called human version of clicking crafting. Give special attention to the other's sentences beginning with "I", say "I think", "I want", "I believe," means that they come back more often.

For Long, the perfect interaction is made of different emotions, such as happiness, sadness and empathy. We try to answer even the emotions of the conversation, not just its content.

After a while ', according to the theory, the caller will remain open even if you stop giving signals. There will come a point where you feel comfortable sharing with you his feelings.

full text

Simon Long, who builds fiberglass motorcycles in Melbourne, Australia, has no time for the traditional friendships.
"It makes me sad that even when I'm being nice people, I know that I will not spend much time with them," he says.
"I'm stuck."
Long, who over the past decade has moved 14 times, has developed a trick to get close.
"I make a mental trick on people I meet," he says.
He calls it "training with the clicker," like dogs and horses: every time you do a click from their a biscuit, so learn to associate the sound with the fact that he did well.
You can also reinforce the idea by clicking each time you make a right.
Made popular by Karen Pryor in the nineties, this training technique works very well on animals.
But it also works with people?
It turns out that the psychological principles on which training with clickers were explored initially just on humans.
"We have adapted an existing concept to animals," says Ken Ramirez, CEO of Karen Pryor Clicker Training.
"So no doubt it can also be used on people."
The sound itself has nothing magical, Ramirez noted.
You can "use a wink, a nod, or just something easily perceptible" to reinforce the behavior.
(And of course if you're a human being might work better than a clicker.)
The "clicker-style expressions" of Long include nod, say "yes" and even clicked his tongue when people share personal details.
"I emit a lot of sounds that are not real words, a bit 'like d'oh of Homer Simpson," he says.
Even the breaks are all think.
When the conversation stops, Long smiles, look the other person in the eye, and waits.
"It is a signal part of 'training that says they are willing to follow the conversation wherever it goes."
According to some research, Long may be right.
"It is definitely a useful technique to change our behavior and that of others," says Alan Kazdin, professor of psychology at Yale University who teaches a course on how to change the behavior of others.
"It works systematically, creates real habits, and research shows that it can change the thinking."
Perhaps the tactic of Long relies unknowingly on operant conditioning, which essentially says that if the consequences of an action are negative, you probably will not repeat it.
If they are positive, we will repeat it.
Here are tips Kazdin to apply this method to a normal conversation: pave the way for intimate interaction by changing your tone of voice or showing you too fragile.
This is called "the antecedent."
Do not ask why a person feels a certain way.
Not impicciatevi.
Start talking.
Be polite questions.
When the conversation has soared, strengthen your emotional presence nodding, he approaches the other party; fairies interested expressions, tell yourself agree, ask questions.
This is called human version of clicking crafting.
Give special attention to the other's sentences beginning with "I", say "I think", "I want", "I believe," means that they come back more often.
For Long, the perfect interaction is made of different emotions, such as happiness, sadness and empathy.
We try to answer even the emotions of the conversation, not just its content.
It is not an exact science, but it is too little explored and used.
A lot of people "[a school] have not learned to listen and respond," says Long.
After a while ', according to the theory, the caller will remain open even if you stop giving signals.
There will come a point where you feel comfortable sharing with you his feelings.
The air conditioning works because it is thin, and it seems to create a favorable environment for either party.
Too often, Long noted, we try to force people to open up, instead of using a technique to convince.
But the search for Kazdin shows in several places that this second option works better.
However, even the conditioning done well is not always entirely beneficial.
"Not everyone is good, and not everyone wants to open up," says Kazdin.
According to modern psychology dig deeper it can make people feel worse; sometimes the most hidden feelings are fine where they are.
"The idea of catharsis has its good points ...
But not for everyone. "
In addition, to gain genuine intimacy, affect people because they put naked is not enough.
Long also we know that there are some downsides.
"Many people regard me as a trusted friend, but I do not think the same of them," he says.
The rapid cooling can sometimes make very volatile relationship.
In conclusion, if the air conditioning can give you a kind of intimacy, good to know there are no shortcuts.
Kazdin cites the famous dialogue from Fiddler on the Roof musical: "You love me?"
He asks the poor milkman Tevye and his wife.
She answers that are 25 years living together: "If this is not love, what is love?"
There is no trick that can make a part of the time.

From Vice