Summary:

Romantic Love: I will Always Love You
Convergent Love: I choose you every day

An effective approach might be, suggests Bottelli, dispelling anxiety building up a communication channel that is opposed to the world of the unspoken, have expectations based on what they already know the partner and not on how it should be but is not, and not to have sex the only key to happiness.

To understand whether the policy works, it must be to take stock of what we want from us, from our life and our relationship, be active and conscious rather than passive and ignorant. This implies a greater knowledge of s and a refinement of communication skills, senzaltro fundamental aspects to improve the quality of life as a whole.

Full text:
All yearn for a recipe: in sex, in the kitchen, the doctor, in relationships.
In the latter case, especially, the "how-to" have a loaf, from "how to conquer / a" to avert as a betrayal, as if the growth, the mistake or the simple willingness dellaltro was always your problem and you were the center of his world.
The recipe of course there, but some really reading can change our perspective on love, couples and relationships, s.
Among these c 'dellintimit The transformation of the sociologist Anthony Giddens.
Published in 1992 the book a love story of modern society and how the change as dellintimitintesa The totality of emotional closeness, love and sessualitpossa have a subversive impact on institutions and take charge of a real revolution.
The most interesting part of the sullamore romantic and how this represents only one of the possible approaches to the issue and, according to Giddens, certainly not the best.
Lideale to strive for and later to overcome, at least in the cultural-historical phase we are going through, we are instead identified in love converging.
According to Giddens, love convergent an active love, contingent, which does not rhyme with forever and the one and only typical of the romantic paradigm of love, and where the search for the special person gives way to that of the special report.
The love romantic not always existed, but it emerged in the late eighteenth century in perfect conjunction with the rise of the novel and the changing status of women.
At that moment I love the story and takes the form of a recognition of uniqueness: the protagonist meets each other, identifying it as a special and dedicated his life.
This, in the struggle between the sexes, legitimized women to sacrifice their lives for an ideal highest share without the order were altered in any way.
Convergent Lamore, however, presupposes the equality in the accounts of giving and dellavere emotional and relies sullaccettazione by both partners that each draws from related benefits sufficient to believe that continuing it is worth the effort. The Americ it always leaves room to choose every day, so you're only together until there are the best conditions for both.
Lamore therefore forms a contract, which continually be renegotiated and the terms of which (security, passion, respect, common interests) vary from couple to couple and time, within the same pair.
This kind of love inevitably produces significant effects on sexual life based on a ratio of actual equality, achieving mutual pleasure becomes a key element for continuity or linterruzione the report.
Everyone has a chance to be sexually experienced and sexuality of the subject to be negotiated within a factor of the relationship.
Behold how he explained the psychotherapist and clinical sexologist Vittoria Bottelli, the proposed report from Giddens seems equipped with a freedom for which we are not yet ready socially and assumes a maturity very difficult to conquer.
According to the expert, in addition, this type of relationship could have implications not always pleasant: If on the one hand the possibility to live a continuously negotiable ratio and therefore subject to cancellation fosters a sense of lightness and preservation of its autonomy, dallaltro creates a paradoxical condition anxieties, especially sexual.
The feeling of being left behind by any minute because we did not do our best, or in us something is wrong, often generates a fear of failure and unansia of benefit which, in the world of women, you can for example translate the pursuit of pleasure in all costs, anorgasmia and loss of libido covered by fictional attempts not to disappoint your partner.
According to psychologist Lynn Jamieson, love contingent also does not account for a very important fact, ie that domestic and family relationships are often linked to financial matters and materials that contaminate the very concept of equality, making it difficult to determine who did what and who It owes whom.
The critical idea of convergent love are not lacking even among colleagues Giddens.
If, on the one hand, sociologists Neil Gross and Solon Simmons attribute to Giddens credit for having caught a de-traditionalisation of emotional ties in favor of greater freedom of the individual, of the other believe that building and maintaining a relationship based on measurement of how you receive is not realistic.
While De Singly launches the final touch: a truly contingent and equal love there will exist, until the reports are seen as ways to protect and provide, each, to dellaltro security and common life.
It does not mean that the concept of convergent love can not, to some extent, bring benefit to a report.
An effective approach might be, suggests Bottelli, dispelling anxiety building up a communication channel that is opposed to the world of the unspoken, have expectations based on what they already know the partner and not on how it should be but is not, and not to have sex the only key to happiness.
To understand whether the policy works, it must be to take stock of what we want from us, from our life and our relationship, be active and conscious rather than passive and ignorant.
This implies a greater knowledge of s and a refinement of communication skills, senzaltro fundamental aspects to improve the quality of life as a whole.
As for the rest, we can do take the commitment to do our best to adapt to the changes and shocks that we will live and stay in s listening and dellaltro in the full knowledge that we are all free s going, but above all to stay.
Marta one of the voices of MySecretCase, online shops and blogs sexuality active in projects to disseminate and promote a culture of women's free, open and shared.
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From Vice