Summary: it is interesting to all!

Mated, unrequited, finished, just bloomed: between skids, Friendzone, betrayals and cohabitation, love occupies almost 90 percent of our speeches.
And the more we experience, the more we have the illusion of having understood something.
But no: the misunderstandings are more severe at the base and depend on the fact that the question "what is love", in fact, do not know the answer.
We have tried and we quickly discovered two important points: the first is that in psychology answer has always existed but we still do not know, and the second is that most of our troubles is derived from a simple but crude fundamental error : confuse love with eros.
And that's because in Italian the word "love" -from the latin love, which stands for "feeling of erotic love and passion greed" -significa "feeling that attracts and unites two people."
And since language is translation of thought, we think that love coincides with a passion once over that continuing our relationship has no meaning.
What if, however, we discover that love as we have always known there?
There has explained Anna Zanellato, psychologist and clinical sexologist specializing in research and social development in the areas of communication, prejudice and welfare, as well as collaborator MySecretCase.
First of all: emotion is not the same feeling.
If the first is a feeling limited in time which produces the instantaneous effects on the body-jitters, goose bumps, rapid heartbeat, loss of appetite-the second is a cognitive-affective condition, the container into which we put our emotions.
"Love is not a way in which we experience reality at the exact moment in which we live," says Zanellato, "is a box that contains inside of emotions as jealousy, desire, calm, tenderness, which accompanied the 'one, if you look, matching what you recognize as love. "
Not in the sense that you can overwrite positive emotions such as joy, affection or enthusiasm for someone who is completely indifferent, but you can "create situations where you know that you will experience positive emotions and trigger the behavior in which you do can be encoded as love, "explains sexologist.
A feeling, then, that although it is made of natural emotions, it is not always just natural.
It should be thought of, wanted and built with effort.
As long as you both in two, otherwise it is masochism.
It is biologically impossible.
It has been scientifically studied in the early stages of a "brain produces an amphetamine report, the PEA (phenylethylamine), which acts on us as a real drug.
It makes us euphoric, excited, makes us feel in the car to talk until dawn, invest all our money in a crazy project, taking planes, no sleep, a little 'as if we were stoned, "explains sexologist.
The production of PEA registers a peak, a normalization and then gradually fell back to run out entirely within the first three years of relationship.
"A universal biological game designed by nature to make us play as much as possible during the peak and instead give us stability during child care." The phase, more or less long, addiction PEA corresponds all'innamoramento, which in fact differs from the love for the fact of being an emotion: feels at the moment, is felt on the body and has distinct symptoms that are the same for all.
When symptoms disappear from falling in love and begin slowly to "let go" - we're not jealous, we should not spend all our free time with each other, we have less desire to have sex, sometimes we feel even boredom-doubt creeps "it is perhaps not / to love more?".
The sexologist at this point assures us: "Once exhausted the PEA, the free brain endorphins, the hormones of emotional stability, serenity and tranquility.
In this second phase we have the time to recognize what has been tried as love and turn those famous behaviors above to maintain and enrich the relationship.
Paradoxically, we can say that just when you stop being in love, then love. "
Just because love is retrospective recognition of a series of coded emotions like love, the meaning of the sentence lapses.
"In what sense, love has a look at the past, not the future."
This, however, does not mean that it is impossible any form of engagement.
Simply, it should be formulated differently: I can not swear eternal love, but I can commit myself to creating positive emotions so that our hard relationship for as long as possible.
Marta is one of the voices MySecretCase, online shop and active sexuality blog in projects to disseminate and promote a culture of women's free, open and shared.
Only in Italy, for now.

From Vice