When you started the relationship with my boyfriend, we were living at a distance of necessity.

He was in Germany, I in the United States, without the ability to reside in Germany for more than six months a year.
After nine months, my work situation changed: at last I had the freedom to decide where to live, and I obtained a residence permit in Germany.
I thought we were going to live together, but after spending a few months with him, I realized that I needed more time for me.
I wanted to try living in other parts of the world, and I loved having the bed all to myself.
Now me and my boyfriend have been together for two and a half, I spend a few months a year with him and the rest of the time we are together at a distance, by choice.
Although I like to spend time with him, sometimes I wonder if my refusal to live with him or next to him does not mean you actually do not want to commit myself.
I'm just a free spirit, or have deep anxiety and unconscious regarding dell'intimit sphere?
Some psychologists believe that the fact of preferring long distance relationships could be the fear of a long-term commitment, the refusal to share an opinion or uncertain towards the partner.
"For those who choose to live long-distance relationships, what I perceive as a therapist I have to do a lot of work on sharing your life with another person," says Marissa Nelson, an expert psychologist in family and marital relations in Washington , DC, and the Bahamas.
"If you always find excuses not to take the extra step more in your relationship, the problem may be that you like the long-distance relationship because of his brief moments, but intense, before and after which you can simply go back to being yourself."
Those who prefer long distance relationships might also be afraid of losing sight of itself and its goals if were to become too bound to the partner, literally as well as figuratively, explains Amy McManus, specialized therapist in Los Angeles reports.
This one of the reasons why Ashley Uzer, 25 year author and consultant based in Washington DC, prefers remote stories.
"I'm the type that distracted from the boys," she explains.
"I have to learn to find the right balance between my life and the relationship, and forget the notion that having a partner means obliged to do everything together."
In other cases, prefer things at a distance means not being ready to face serious problems in a relationship.
"Of course, not easy to give weight to toothpaste stains in the sink when you share the bathroom only once a month," says McManus.
"I talk quite real and bigger problems that need to be addressed when you have a stable and banquets relationship with the other person, or at least live in the same citttipo the incredible amount of alcohol drinking to the other person, the way you He is in front of his friends, the way of priority to work since the report, or important issues on which you have completely opposite opinions. "
This model, however, can lead people to avoid working on their flaws as a partner, says McManus.
Uzer noted the same problem in its previous report.
"The fact that he was far allowed me to ignore the negative feelings I harbored against our relationship," he says.
If a person does not want to spend much time with their partner, McManus suggests that this could conceal the fear of vulnerability.
"We should understand at what point in their lives have assimilated the idea that relationships are not a source of support, love and satisfaction," he says.
Many people have learned from their parents or other role models in childhood, that relations have more negative aspects than positive, which bring more problems than anything else.
And still, within them, despite wishing to make connections, do not feel secure, he explains.
But some experts do not see any problem in preferring long distance relationships.
"For some, the distance relationship works best because it allows them both to remain autonomous and independent," says Shane Kryss, social worker in New York who works on topics such as sex, gender and relationships.
"In addition, some prefer to plan in advance the time you will spend with your partner, add the calendar, prepare properly and waiting like a precious moment."
why, even after the end of his last long-distance relationship, Uzer is found "by chance" to know and associate with people who lived in more than three hours from her.
"What I can do my thing, cultivate friendships and then go find my boyfriend when I want to spend a romantic weekend together," he says.
"I like the fact that you can always go on holiday with my girlfriend, then return to my life every day," explains Michael Stusser, a journalist from Seattle.
"I always enjoyed spending time with the people I love soloe but for short periods.
So I realized that the long-distance relationship could work. "
"Long distance relationships can be an advantage for introverts, who care a lot for their spaces, and their loved ones places that are not always prepared to change," Shane says.
While some take advantage of the relationship in distance to emotionally detach from the other person, with good communication and commitment, it does not have to happen
"The number of couples who live far, but taller are still happy of what we might think, although the society we want to believe that there is only one possible relationship model," says Patrick Tully, psychologist expert in marital relations in Los Angeles, who observed this trend among its customers.
"The non-traditional relationships are extremely common, and I hope that the company is increasingly sympathetic to those who choose to live a different relationship from the classic which forced us to adopt.
People can still love each other and give support while living in different places, and indeed, quite healthy that everyone has his space and time by itself, outside of the couple. "
The most important thing we both agree on the mode.
For example, establish together if the relationship will be forever at a distance or if one of the two vorr sooner or later get closer to each other.
"No matter what the goal, it is important that the two people share it," Shane says.
"This causes them to both have the same mind in the future and that there are no misunderstandings."
But then how do you know if you're just avoiding an intimate relationship, or if you really prefer non-traditional relationships?
One of the questions useful in this case if you really want to spend time with your partner, to see him every time, says McManus.
The main question, however, because you prefer the long-distance relationship.
Perhaps because of career, or because you both have a full and fulfilling life but in two different places?
"If you're happy and satisfied with your life at home and in your relationship, and even your partner him, the fact that you have decided to live in different cities should not concern anyone outside of you," says McManus.
"On the other hand, if when you have to go find your partner you feel like a burden, or if you have a past full of long-distance relationships, could be negative signals."
If you find yourself in this description, perhaps the therapy might be a good idea to analyze your behavior and to understand what is holding you back from having a satisfying relationship with a person who lives near you.
"I've had clients who have come to me for this reason," he says, "and therapy have understood things s that have helped them grow, change and build healthy relationships and amorevolianche people in the same city."

From Vice